me, applying a hydrating serum to my skin: have a fucking sip babe
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a true fact about spiders is they can’t run for extended periods of time because they have asthma. all spiders are nerds. even tarantulas. have you ever seen a spider dating a hot babe? i doubt it. spider flashing his cash in the club? nope. spider pulling up beside you at the lights in a lamborghini? never happened. they’ve got so many eyes because they love reading. nerds. all of them.
if i like you, we don’t have to go out on dates all the time, you can literally hmu saying you have errands to run if i wanna come with you. i’m down for that because in the end i just wanna spend time with you
“cutie” and “babe” are overrated pet names for your significant other. try “leader of thunderclan” or “the fire that saved the clan” instead
wow sir… this resume.. is amazing. i didn’t even know you could get a pHD for being a babe magnet… hired.
My future partner: babe you can’t do this everytime I come home
Me, laying in the rose petals I put on the bed, illuminated by the candles that are their favorite scent while their bathwater runs: but I love you
in bed w my gf
her: babe talk dirty to me
me: Dan nicky your bobbies
I’d like to give a very big fuck you to anyone who talks badly about custodians,sanitation engineers, house keepers, bus drivers, and any other job that is way under paid for the shit they have to deal with.